its funny how you are dying to go some place, its all you think and talk about, you get there and your amazed and then the new wears off and your aching to go back to the way things were.

almost 6 months ago i moved to chicago. I left my mom, dad, sister, best friend of 15 years, friends, and family. I came to Chicago knowing a few people who all turned out slightly disappointing when it came to actually living in the same state ( Minus White, whites been nothing short of amazing). I had to restart over. Basically build my friends from scratch. I knew jobot before I moved here but not extremely well, and oddly enough in the end he was the most welcoming. He had no obligation to be my friend, and he ended up being one of the greatest. He sat through twilight and new moon with me because i knew of no girls that would go, he went to michael and michael with me in a few hours notice when steven ended up not being able to go, and he went to as tall as lions with me in 2 days notice after Marty ditched me. Not to mention other hangouts and shows that were just regularly planned. I met Dylan, Melissa, and Kelly through Brian and they have been so great to include me in hangouts and invite me to go out. And Ashley i befriended via facebook and she’s been fantastic too! and White of course. One time White called to see if i was home and i said yes and he came over and just hung out of a couple of hours, it was the smallest thing but it meant the world to me. It was like something that one of my friends in OKC would do. (This blog isnt meant to shit talk the people i know that dont hang, im just showing how few friends i actually have here.)

Last week I half heartily applied to a Oklahoma City position back at the corporate office. As the process went on I’ve discovered I want nothing more then to be back where I belong. I want to be minutes from my mom, dad, and sister so I can hug them whenever i want to. I want to be minutes from my best friend so I can just waste a day with her or go see 2 movies at the theatre in a row just because were bored and talk about anything for countless hours. I want to be around stef’s family because even though they aren’t my blood family i know they genuinely care about me and vice versa. I want to be close to my distant family and not see them next just because a funeral brings us together. I want to be there when my little sister starts high school, gets her heartbroken, gets her liscence, goes to prom. I want to be miles from the lake, so on fridays i can take off with family or friends and camp out.

I want to go back to Oklahoma and finish school, focus on family and friends, and watch my baby sister grow up.

I may have dreams of living in Chicago, but Chicago will always be here and I will come back when i’m ready. I just have bigger priorities right now, and it took a little bit of growing up to realize this.

95% of all the people I care about / care about me are in one area, and im about 880 miles away from them. I’m trying to change that as soon as I can.

Also, It wasn’t that I couldn’t “make” it in Chicago (that is my biggest peeve). I did very well for myself here. I never asked my parents for money, I paid for everything ( including my move, and flights home)

I can’t wait to get back to Oklahoma and get back to getting to hang out with my best friend constantly, trips to bricktown, dinners with friends, see taylor  drive on the highway, going to the lake and camping in tents but making trips to the city to actually eat, hanging out with my pup beanie, shopping with my mom on sundays, movies with friends and family alllll the time, shitty shows with probably even shittier bands, talking to mr lusk on aim, my desk and office job again, all my okc friends in general i just want to give them all a huge hug.

sorry for the emotional post, its saturday night and im hanging out by myself..you know, a typical night….also my best friends birthday party is tonight in okc and im super depressed i cant be there.

thanks to motion city soundtrack for keeping me company.